For most of my life, I’ve quietly carried the weight of not speaking up. Not asking for help. Not wanting to be an inconvenience. And certainly not wanting to be seen as the person who needed “special treatment.”
I’ve lived with chronic illness long enough to know what my body needs—but knowing and asking are two very different things. For years, I didn’t advocate for myself because I didn’t want to seem like I was asking for too much. I didn’t want to be “that” person who makes things complicated or asks others to go out of their way. I thought if I just pushed through, that somehow made me stronger, or at least less of a burden.
But recently, something shifted. And it felt like a small victory—but also a big deal.
At church, I volunteer in the children’s ministry. Usually, I stay downstairs, which works well for me physically. But now and then, if they’re short a volunteer, they’ll ask some of us to head upstairs to help in the preschool room. It’s two flights of stairs—not Everest, but when your joints are aching, your muscles feel like they’ve run a marathon, and your asthma decides to make an appearance… those stairs feel like a mountain.
This past week, instead of quietly bracing myself for the possibility of another painful Sunday, I took a deep breath and asked:
“Would it be possible to keep me downstairs consistently? The stairs are getting harder on me lately.”
Simple words. But they took courage.
And here’s the truth I’m learning:
Advocating for yourself doesn’t mean you think you’re special. It means you need a little more help than others. And that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean you’re difficult. It doesn’t mean you’re high-maintenance. It means you’re listening to your body, honoring your limits, and recognizing that needing support doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.
I used to think asking for help meant I was giving in or being unfair to others. But what’s really unfair is forcing myself into pain and exhaustion just to keep everyone else comfortable. That helps no one—and it definitely doesn’t reflect the kind of grace I want to give others and myself.
So today, I’m proud.
Not because I conquered a mountain.
But because I finally said out loud, “This is hard for me, and I need help.”
If you’re in a similar place—if you’ve been holding back out of fear, guilt, or a sense that your needs don’t matter—I want you to hear this:
Your needs do matter.
Your voice deserves to be heard.
And advocating for yourself isn’t selfish. It’s brave.
You’re not asking for too much.
You’re simply asking for what you need. 💛
- When was the last time you advocated for yourself? Is there an area where you’ve been afraid to speak up?
- What would it feel like to give yourself permission to ask?
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